How I Discovered and Fixing My Biggest Limiting Beliefs–Kryptonite Padlocks

Since 2010, I have been stuck in trauma for 10 years and didn’t know. I had given up on life and didn’t know it until now. And this article is that discovery and how I am fixing it. I subconsciously took on beliefs that have kept me stuck literally in time for the last 10 years.  I discovered about three weeks ago, the three statements to express this same belief were:

1. I give up.
2. It doesn’t matter what you do, why bother trying. Or just Why bother trying?
3. It’s not worth it, why bother trying. Or just, It’s not worth it.

I was in the middle of Regenerating Images in Memory (RIM) session, a technique that uses imagination to translate your subconscious, about my feelings of the murder of my sister 10 years ago.  The words that came out of my mouth in an imaginary dialogue with my sister was that after her death, I had given up.  I was surprised by this because I am optimistic and one of my top 5 PERMA strengths is Hope.  So, I was a little shocked when I listened to myself.  However, let me back up a little for those who don’t know me as well.

The Origin of Being Stuck 10 Years Ago

In May 16 2010 (exactly 10 years ago as I write this), I was in China on business and I received the most devastating news of my life—my sister (nee Karen Ann Hugh Sam—pic below) was tortured and brutally murdered in her home. 

It was the last of the horrible news I had received within the last year of 2009-2010—my net worth in the mid-single-digit millions was wiped out to less than 10% of what I had, lost my partnership in a lucrative hedge fund, changed career (from my dream career), was in the middle of an extremely nasty divorce, was being falsely accused of abusing my children. And, then I heard the most devasting news–my sister, who had “retired” recently in her 50’s—a shining example of working hard and succeeding had died gruesomely— was tortured and then killed—supposedly a robbery gone bad.

I should have known that all that streak of bad news would overwhelm even the most optimistic person I knew—i.e. myself—however, I didn’t know and wasn’t aware that subconsciously, there was a part of me, deep down where, I had given up.

My Journey to Recover (NOT)–A Walk In the Wilderness

After 2010, I never really did lots over the next 4 years of my life—I traveled lots (went to all the places I dreamed Brazil, Taj Mahal, Asia), running away mostly.  I literally lived in Chinatown over a BBQ store in Toronto—in a bedroom with shared kitchen, and except for my Lexus 350 SUV, my dream car, no one really knew that I was suffering—not even myself.  Sitting down and writing this, you can see the telltale signs—living completely in the present i.e. dream car, dream travel and not caring about money or where I lived.

Then in 2005, I started reading about grief recovery (Kubler-Ross, 5 stages—denial, anger, depression, bargaining, acceptance) and remember reading and doing the exercises in the bookstore.  It seemed to have helped because within the next year (even though I was falsely criminally charged based on my daughter lying that I abused my kids), I was able to find work in Jamaica running an accelerator and earning a good salary.  After my contract was over, I went to Japan and my life seemed to be on the rise until December 2018 when I voluntarily gave back sole custody of my kids to my ex-wife with no access to my kids.  At that time, I found myself again single, no work, changed career, no home and living from a suitcase—exactly where I was in 2010.  Being stuck with the same personality and stuck in life is often a symptom or sign post from those who have suffered from significant trauma.

I had no idea I was in trauma and I had no idea I had given up.  I should have seen the correlation—I had another period like this in my life—after the unexpected death of my childhood best friend Kevin Baillie in 1989.  In retrospect, I can now see the correlation…10 years of walking in the wilderness after Kevin’s death before I started to really work and enjoy life again.  I can see the pattern as I write, but until about 3 weeks ago in the RIM session, I never knew I had given up in 2010.

Unlocking My Locks (Blocks), Literally

So as a follow-up RIM session, I decided to explore further this, “I had given up feeling”.  The way the RIM session worked was that I went into a state of relaxation, called in a Virtual Resource—for me, it was both St. Theresa of Avila and Archangel Michael and then was asked to scan my body for the “I give up feelings”.  In many sessions that I either facilitated or was the client, the feeling would show up in a specific part of the body.  However, the “I had given up feeling” was spread throughout every cell of my being in my imagination.  I was surprised…every fiber of my being had “given up.”  

I was asked to go into this feeling and the image that popped up was that every cell was locked with a heavy-duty grade padlock made of metal and steel and required a key to unlock them. (Ironically, when I was publishing this piece, I looked up for the lock that was in my mind and its called a Kryptonite Padlock–like Superman’s weakness). My cells were padlocked and had stopped growing (the Kryptonite had made me weak and every cell was locked–lol).  Eventually, after significant dialoguing and further exploration in the RIM session, my Virtual Resources were able to unlock the locks and cast them away from my body, and we actually melted down the locks and built a “Statue of Liberty” size Key as a reminder and symbol that I had a key that unlocked all my cells and now my cells could grow and evolve and start to live again—after 10 years. RIM erased the old memories of “I had given up”, and replaced them with the new feelings of “yellow energy” of growth and confidence to handle tough situations.

After discussions with my friend Cathleen Elle, who is an expert in Grief as a result of sudden death (if your loved ones are suffering from this, I can make a referral to her, or I can also help to administer RIM sessions to help to unlock the trauma), I realized that I had indeed kept my life exactly the same as it was almost 10 years ago.  I was stuck and until I had released this trauma, I was living with emergency brakes on while trying to drive forward—yes, I was moving forward seemingly, but not very far and with tremendous effort.

My Next Steps

My next steps are to work on a 30-day program of reviewing the feeling of unlocking my cells and also rewriting my beliefs as affirmations.  This will help to reinforce the work I did in the RIM session.  However, Cathleen has reminded me that life is a healing journey.  So I accept that and know I want to reach the 80% of healing mark…so I can now truly grow and expand my wings. 

I am amazed at the energy that was released.  After discovering and releasing these blocks initially, I was able to find a small amount of money within days that will get me through the next two months.  I also can feel my body and mind freeing up and wanting to do work.

The very day that I did my RIM session, I was able to do 6 hours of “deep work” on that day.  The most amount of deep work I had done in almost 6 months.  So I am looking forward to my new freedom and to continue to tackle my 2040 goals with vigour—one day at a time.  COVID has again reinforced to me that we do not know what tomorrow will bring.  However, I can do my best every day, to be my best self and to help people with my gifts—day by day by day.  And like a string of pearls, a lifetime is composed of a series of each day of me doing my best.  It doesn’t matter if I die tomorrow or in 20 years, it is worth trying to do my best every day.  If I had done my best for the last 10 years i.e. 3650 days, who knows what I might have accomplished.  Well, I am now focused on the next 7300 days i.e. my 2040 goals, but living them one day at a time and who knows what I will accomplish by then.

This insight into my subconscious has been as important as anything that I have done to improve who I am.  I am extremely grateful to my coach Sabine Buhlmann who recommended both Canfield and to do a session with Dr. Deb.  I am grateful for Dr. Deb for inventing and teaching this incredibly powerful technique.  Since I have had my own experience in exploring my sister’s and Kevin’s death, I have guided other people in RIM sessions through similar trauma’s and they have received powerful results.  Seeing the results in these people has made me very much more inclined to be more compassionate with others experiencing the same trauma and to help others who have experienced traumas in their life.

Action Items:

1. Take a look at your life and determine if there have been traumatic events in your life—deaths of loved ones, divorces, loss of wealth, status, careers, love etc.  Consider the impact that this may be having on your life? Are there any hidden beliefs you may have created that is keeping you stuck…do you think it would be helpful to do emotional work/therapy around these events.  
2. I continue to offer free RIM sessions in May 2020 and June 2020 to anyone who wants them—your friends/family.  The average price of a RIM session is normally US$200.  My fellow classmates have noted that in their personal journey, whether it be grief, trauma, or addiction that RIM has been the single most powerful tool that they have encountered.  Many have had similar 10 year journey’s like me (where they tried many different modalities) and so I am taking the time to expose you to this powerful technique.